Just a Nice, Spacious, Picturesque, Dank Castle

There aren’t as many castles as I would like there to be in Melbourne. As a matter of fact, I’m struggling to find any at all; perhaps I should be casting a wider net? I know we’re looking for something a bit specific, especially since the family said they’d like to experience both a bit of home and Australia’s beach culture. Maybe we won’t be able to find anywhere.

Currently, we’re looking at places around Mentone. Conveyancing offices hereabouts have been very helpful in both pointing out locations of interests and also dealing with our Romanian paperwork, which I’m sure makes things a bit more complicated. We’ve never purchased a home, mostly just remaining in the same place in Transylvania for hundreds of years, so now that we’re here it’s very nice to have some local people like conveyancers who know the property market.

I still think it’d be nice to hire someone who really specialises in finding high-end homes, however, because we really do have our hearts set on another castle. Maybe we could make do with a castle-like structure, so long as it has similar features and is a decent size, and also a spacious cellar area good for various activities. Hollow walls and a complete lack of natural lighting would be nice; we don’t have very strong eyes in our family, you see, so while we would like to engage in the beach culture, a lot of it would be at night. Oh, and vibrant nightlife would be wonderful! Plenty of young people just wandering around, some of them alone, many of them intoxicated. We don’t mind a bit of…revelry.

Anyway, I should perhaps look for an appropriate conveyancing office near Brighton, since that’s our next port of call. I’m still holding out hope for a nice Melbourne castle, possibly on a hill in an area with frequent thunderstorms. But that’s just moving to another country, I suppose. You have to learn to adapt!

-Ivanov Maxim Payler-Alucard