A Kitchen Sim?

These immersive games are really starting to creep me out. Like, who keeps MAKING them? And if they keep making them, I have to keep reviewing them, because I only get five monthly visitors to my blog and if I don’t review every single game out there, that drops to…less than five. And while you might not be familiar with game blogging standards, I can tell you that it’s not quite my target audience number.

So now someone has released a kitchen sim. But not just ANY kitchen sim; it’s a fully-immersive time travelling kitchen sim, where you can travel to the kitchens of the most famous figures in history and make them dinner. So you have to work with…well, less than a commercial deep fryer from 2019. Actually, if someone could mod an anachronism option into the game that lets you take a commercial oven into a medieval kitchen, that’d be great, because currently you’re just dumped into a different era each level and you have to work with…different equipment, that’s for sure. Like, in one of the levels you have to roast a hog for Charlemagne, and I haven’t really studied history and it wasn’t going well, so basically…I got my head chopped off. Multiple times. Couldn’t get the big cast-iron oven hot enough, and I didn’t know you could delegate tasks to the other kitchen hands. Thought they were just NPCs staring at you. So I tried chopping all the vegetables myself, ran out of time…it’s not intuitive, is what I’m saying.

Give me a regular kitchen sim in Melbourne, where I get a real commercial oven and I can cook things the way it was always intended: with shiny, silver, cutting-edge technology. I don’t care if it’s in a game and made of pixels. I want technology. Gosh, this is why I hate playing fantasy games…